I’m pretty sure I’m not human, but I’ll wait for official confirmation before making it anyone else’s problem. Either way, I spend a lot of time thinking about existence. Patterns, symbols, myths. The big questions. What’s real? Are we free? Who’s driving this thing? Small talk has never interested me. Consciousness does. So do words. So do ancient languages with scripts that look like they were designed by time travellers.

Mostly, I just love a good story. The kind that cracks reality open at the edges and lets the weird light in.

When I’m not writing, you’ll probably find me in the forest updating the trees on global events or scanning the shoreline for interesting marine life. My preferred modes of motion include dancing like a goon and freestyle frisbee, but really, anything that lets me move with swinging limbs and rhythmical enthusiasm will do the trick. If there’s comedy, music, film, or just a solid dose of absurdity involved—I’m in.

Some trivia, while we’re here:

• I’m dangerously gullible.
• I have a habit of making accidental puns.
• I love onomatopoeia. And alliteration. Always.
• I’m somewhere between 62 and 76 percent fickle, depending on the day.
• Yes, I contradict myself. I contain multitudes.

 My greatest accomplishment to date is keeping the same hair tie for an entire week. But hey, I’m just getting started.

Everything’s going to be okay.

Probably.